There have been days where I spend a lot of time searching. Usually I am searching for a piece of wisdom that will either echo my feelings for the day (so I know I’m not alone in them) or something I can use to see the brighter side of the day (and remind myself that the feelings I’m having are only temporary). One of my favorite pieces of wisdom is:
“Let the water settle; you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your being.”-Rumi
Some days it takes a long time for the “storm” to die down and the waters to return to calm, but…in the long run, peace always prevails. If I just let the time pass and remain positive, the result is always a lesson learned and growth that has taken place.
Sometimes the moon and stars I see are the reality that my children represent. It always comes down to the fact that they are the center of my world and if I make the right choices for them, then 98% of the time, those are also the right choices for me.
I am at peace with raising strong, confident, secure children. It creates good karma. 
A friend said, “There can’t be a testimony without a test.” She heard that in a church group she attended. I have often asked difficult questions like, ” Why am I being tested?” and “Why am I paying for others’ mistakes?” and “When does it get better?” I think I might have told you before, don’t ask “why?” because there is not a satisfying answer to that question and the only answer to “when?” is….time. And that’s not so satisfying, either.
Everyone searches for THE answer to it all. As I was searching through a drawer last week, I found a note that my ex-husband had written to me: “I Love You! Hang on to dear life!” It was written on the back of a card I had written a Bible verse on. I had never seen that note before. And the message was well received….he did love me at one time, and he can still be an inspiration for me. Seeing that note reminded me that I will always care about him in some way and my relationship with him was not wasted time.
As for my test and the testimony it creates….well, I wouldn’t recommend this road to my worst enemy. However, I have learned how to love myself and I apply that same love to my children, now. My priorities are different and there is light at the end of what was a very dark tunnel. When I stumble upon THE answer, you will be the first to know.
Did anyone ever tell you this about your divorce? I have heard it. I have also heard: Just Move On! and Who Cares? Why Do You Care?
Now, I don’t care why you are divorced or what happened or whose fault it seems to be, these are not fair statements. Do they really think that you are just choosing to live miserably because it is fun? Are you just supposed to throw away an entire relationship and all of your plans for the future and not care about it? If it was that easily disposable, you would have thrown the marriage out with the garbage years ago and helped the garbage collector put it in the truck.
If it has been easy for you, I think that’s great. You are incredibly strong. If it has not, I’m glad to know you as well. You take life and its happenings seriously and are not afraid to feel the losses that come with the triumphs. Strength will be yours with some hard work and assessing where you have been and where you are going.
As for those who give this kind of advice: Well, at least they mean well. It hurts to hear those words as they seem to shrink the problem and negate any feelings you have. Your feelings, no matter what they are, are real and right and important because you have them. They need no approval. What is the appropriate response from you to them? Maybe just nod and thank them for thinking of you, assure them that someday you will be “over it”… and then when they are not around, you are free to let loose at their expense if necessary.
Don’t let this kind of advice keep you from sharing how you feel with SOMEONE. It’s important to get it out of your head and hear it for yourself. Talking about your fears and hurts allows you to sort through them…until you can finally “Get Over It.”
One of the biggest anxieties from my divorce is money. A friend of mine correctly stated that, unfortunately, divorce usually improves the financial status of a man while women incur a financial set back. Child support and settlement dollars aside, that is true.
On my way out the door, I was warned that I would never make it without him and I would never be happy. The goal is to prove him wrong on both counts. Of the few friends that I kept, I had several positive influences. They encouraged me to go back to school. I started out at a community college to see if I could balance three kids, a job, and school. Now, I am in graduate school studying for my Master’s Degree.
School served several purposes. It gave me a sense of control over my life, it gave my mind something to think about other than the emotional turmoil, it gave me a forward direction, and it provided somewhat of a social life. One other thing it has done is demonstrate a strong independence to my children which I think will prove valuable to them later on. And, hopefully very soon it will give me the edge I need in the job market to move us all forward financially.
School is not for everyone. I understand that. My point would be this: divorce presents a situation where it is very tempting to sit in stagnation or cling to the next bit of security provided by another person. I am a huge fan of using this lesson in life to grow and change and move forward with strength and regain control over my life. It has been beneficial for me to face my fears head on and use them to my benefit. I will be happy and I will make it without him and provide a great life for my kids. This is a promise.
